All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
