Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
