He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
