New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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