she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
