He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
