you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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