They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
