i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
