I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
