i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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