ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
well you can't waste a boner
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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