look no pants
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
