so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
