um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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