butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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