I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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