Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so much tequila, so little girl.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
