If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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