Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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