Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
