can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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