the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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