This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
