How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
