I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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