ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
