Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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