my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
