they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
