That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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