you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
