I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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