remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
