I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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