all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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