So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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