You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
