Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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