If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
