This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
