I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
