I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
