I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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