Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
