I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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