I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
