It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
