party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
