Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
