how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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