This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
