Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
