How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
