sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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