You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
