Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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