I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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