Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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