i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
