I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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