So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize