I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
