She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
